Say it with me “No”. It’s quite possible you didn’t hear me say it. (what kind of hypocritical malarkey are you teaching lady?) Being that this is a #momblog I’m sure you have considered this is a post about telling children no. Nope not tonight…tonight the kiddos get a break. This post is for the rest of the world! (you’re welcome kiddos…candy, cookies and all without eating dinner…you got it!)
As I left my house this evening around 8:40 pm to head to a family members house to do her hair I asked myself (out loud like a crazy person) “why didn’t you just say no?” Here’s what I came up with…zilch, nada, nothing, no good reason. What I’ve come to understand about myself is that even if I have the worst attitude concerning a situation I’ll still oblige. In fact as I made my way up the driveway I gave myself a pep talk that sounded like this “Fix your attitude because you could have just said no.” In my mind the person wouldn’t have asked if they didn’t really need it. (hahahahaha you may laugh it is an absolutely ridiculous thought). People do it all the time in order to get what they “want”. It’s this exact way of thinking that pulled me from my home tonight at a time when settling in should have been my only priority.
In this single mom journey I’ve consciously made a decision not to require too much outside help. Luckily, if it’s “needed” there’s a support system available. However, this conscious decision has distorted my view of others who have shied away from this mindset. The fact that they have not made this effort feels rather needy to me. (DON’T SHOOT!! lol it’s just my opinion) And although I will do what is asked of me there’s a bit of resentment that lingers. In my mind it’s not hard to braid hair or program a phone or coupon or any other gosh darn thing people ask for help with. A few days ago, someone (someone who will in fact tell me no) advised me that “I owed them”. (o my lord why would you say a thing like that lol). In the nicest (maybe not the nicest) way possible I let them know I didn’t owe them anything. But did I do what they asked? You guessed right…yes I did, with that bit of resentment lol.
What has also become apparent to me is that I’ve made others think I’m some kind of super person and that I never get tired. I am not and I absolutely do. My constant learning, doing, and trying is for my own personal satisfaction and gratification. It makes me feel good to accomplish things. Like those times when I successfully sculptured acrylic on my nails, braided my own hair, dug up and laid my own walkway, learned to coupon using YouTube and the web, and all the other things I’ve accomplished which made me feel extremely proud. Here’s where the problem came in…I blabbed. I told someone. In my excitement I inadvertently, apparently, lead them to believe I wanted to perfect the craft by practicing for/on them. Lol…hardly! In reality most of these accomplishments were attempted as a means to save money. Hehehehehehe!
Ok…let’s get back to the point, tonight my very busy mind considered the possibility that I could just say no. The additional feelings are actually unnecessary because I have the right to say no. I can accomplish any personal goal I deem worthy but by no means do I have perform services for others if it doesn’t suit me (or is inconvenient). Remembering that no is also a one word answer. There’s no real need for an explanation. Being open to hear and accept others answer no to me as well (it’s a two way street you guys). Understanding that just because it’s something I may want, by no means does it equal it’s something they must do. Realizing that my independence doesn’t necessarily equate others as needy. Recognizing that we are all unique and it’s all about setting my boundaries and respecting those of others.
But this is totally just my two cents (sense)…ummmm which is it? I know it’s a metaphor! Ha! Don’t judge me…please don’t say no! 🙂