Ugh! Just ugh! I absolutely love my child so much but tonight I needed a break.
A little while ago I posted about her being diagnosed with ADHD. My daughter has been busy and talkative from the beginning of her time. And at this very moment I am exhausted by it all. I redirect, I repeat myself, I clean up spill after spill that I saw coming and warned her about several times, and I lose my sh** (not everyday or even today in fact, I feel like I needed to include that disclaimer lol). I hate losing my sh**. I feel like such a failure when I do. It is my job to keep my sh** together right??? Ugh! Just Ugh!
Today we went out to eat. By the end of the meal I was rocking back and forth. I was rocking back and forth because after keeping it all together throughout the day I was cracking. I friggin cracked!! If I’m honest she really wasn’t doing anything that other children don’t do at dinner but it is constant. It never stops unless she is asleep. I imagine her body is very tired and happy for rest when she does go to bed (the exact place she has been since 9PM). I must give a thank you to the waitress who was very sweet and attentive every time my daughter asked a question about the menu (lol), for another refill, and soup she didn’t eat. At one point she even put her hand on my shoulder and said “you’re doing a great job with her”. She was the waitress I needed today anyone else may have sent me over the edge in the restaurant.
I asked her to give the dog water. After playing with the water hose for some time (not filling the dog dish) she started filling the dish and dumping it. I must have told her 5 times the water was fine and she continued to dump and refill it. Until finally I jumped up and took the water hose and redirected her to give the dog food instead.
The decision was made about 2 months ago by me and her doctor to try the lowest dosage of medicine to attempt to better focus her in school. It worked. Or I know it was. Her teacher is a darling and doesn’t like to report every little thing a child does. Which makes me very happy because chances are she’d be reporting several times a day. I don’t wish to up her dosage because I’m not looking to have a zombie that listens. The decision to try it was heartbreaking. So to say the dosage may need to be higher would be that same feeling all over again. It took 6 years for me to agree that yes she may need some assistance with her focus.
Anywho, to everyone out there who isn’t dealing with ADHD or a child with a behavioral disability please be kind to the parents (and children) who are. No matter how you feel about ADHD, whether you think it’s “real” or not there’s an issue (really you can name it whatever suits you as long as you acknowledge it). But just remember it’s an issue that the parent deals with day in and day out. Even if we don’t show it on the outside there are times when we are just cracking and oozing inside but we must hold it together. Remember these are children and we are doing our best. We mindfully and consciously remember our children most times cannot help what is happening. In fact even if you ask the question “why” 92 times the same way or 91 different ways the answer will be “I don’t know” (trust me I’ve experienced it). Most of us have done so much research in an effort to do this “right” as much as possible but some days are just not good days for us or them.