Life Talk · Mommy Talk · parenting

Small Raindrops

Rain refreshes, rejuvenates, revives and purifies. In mental need of rain…I need rain for my relationship with my daughter, I need rain for my emotional state, I need rain for my life right now! Just a few small raindrops.

vacation6My daughter is who she is! I’ve always said that but in the process of attempting to date I forgot this. In the process of trying to be everything for everyone I forgot that. In my attempt to make everyone happy and comfortable I forgot. Well I didn’t forget per say, simply put, I tried to change her causing our relationship to suffer. The amount of frustration I have with myself is indescribable. So I need a few small raindrops.

IMG_8574My daughter is amazing. She is so in tune with my feelings it’s scary. She’ll get me in a cuddle then refuse to let go until she decides I feel better about whatever is bothering me. Believe me at the age of 6 she’s done it for me. Even with my best attempt to hide it she knows most times. Nevertheless, I feel in the recent past I haven’t been that for her. If you could spare a few small raindrops…just a few.

img_98001My daughter is a free spirit. She’s never met a stranger. I recalled today an incident at a local gas station in our area a year or so ago. We are Steeler’s fans. A lady walked in and greeted us as if she knew us based on our Pittsburgh apparel. My daughter instantly ran up and hugged her. (I was watching and present). The lady and I laughed. I mentioned “She’s a hugger and has never met a stranger”. Never do I want to kill her loving, genuine spirit. With that being said…I’m in desperate need of a raindrop or two.

My daughter is talkative, busy, hardheaded and down right stubborn at times. She is! I won’t deny it but all her good traits out weigh other attributes that form her personality. She’s no traits that other children haven’t displayed over the many years our earth has been spinning. Everyday is a day to grow, learn, and evolve with the correct discipline out of love not frustration. I feel during the time I was trying to be everything for everyone some of these aforementioned traits were heightened due to her normal life being altered. Lend me a little rain!

Unsure of every emotions I feel right. I know one is frustration for sure. Not just with myself but with the hotel room key that stops working every time I check back into the room that we’ve been staying in for two weeks (more on weekend coffee share tomorrow), the wind when it blows, my hair that refuses to be styled, people talking, and so on and so forth. In reality I’m really not frustrated with any of those things. Honestly, I’m scared. I’m scared my daughter may remember me in a dim light. My mind is trying to devise a plan and when something trivial arises it annoys the crap out of me. I try hard to make good memorable moments but in recent time, admittedly, mommy missed the mark. Does tear drops count as rain? May I borrow a little rain?

I’ve decided to take a break from dating. Because while I do look forward to finding love, any love I find has to genuinely and sincerely be extended to my children as well, not just verbally. To love someone is to love all of them. Right now I must focus on fixing what I allowed to go too far. People say kids are resilient. I always tell my kids to make sure they’re treated right…There’s so much more I could say but I’ll just say…I sure hope it rains. ❤


 

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She is a princess 🙂
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3 thoughts on “Small Raindrops

  1. Hi,
    I know Kiwinana. I loved this post due to the conflicting emotions. If vacillated between love for your daughter and emotional angst.
    I met you on Danny Ray’s site. Maybe you can check out my blog. I offer Blogging Tips and I host 10 blogging events each month including parties like Danny.
    Janice

    Like

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