This evening I’ve had to consciously and mindfully move through my evening. My mind is elsewhere. I am sad, I am struggling mentally and emotionally. However, I know tomorrow is a new day. Nothing lasts forever.
Sharing children is hard. It’s especially difficult when the other parent begins to do things that are out of the ordinary. You know things that break the routine. Today on my drive home I received a text that simply stated “(my child’s name) will be staying with me from Friday until at least next Friday”. Without thinking I began to type an angry text advising my child’s father of what would NOT be happening. We share legal custody but I have sole physical custody. I stopped typing and pressed delete. Was there any really a good reason to start this nonsense tonight? No! Would my child be ok for the week? Yes! Would I die if the child went? No! Most importantly did my child want to be with the father? Yes!
My child’s father began being super dad after meeting his now wife. Before that he was “maybe” and “when it’s convenient” dad. I became accustomed to it after a while. When my child was younger he’d tell me their time together would increase when the child was older. I fought, argued, and fussed for years to make him see why quality time with our kid was important, to no avail. And then to my surprise one day I was summoned to court for a custody case. He had gone out and hired one of the best lawyers in our town to take my child for over half the year. Weird holidays like Easter and 4th of July were included. I hated him. Long story short he won the battle but lost the war. The family member I talked about in my post from last night paid for an equally competent lawyer and I was able to have everything overturned on an appeal.
So tonight I consciously decided to allow myself to feel how I feel. I’m allowed to feel this way. This is a kid my life pretty much revolves around (my life revolves around both my kids). This is a change. However, the other parent does have a right to spend time with our child no matter his past. No one deserves to pay for something forever! I’ve mindfully responded to my children tonight. I haven’t allowed my frustration and sadness to get the best of me.
I can see my growth through this experience tonight. As I said in my regrets post I’m allowing this situation to work and grow me as a person.
School will be starting back soon so I will use this week to get my other child back on a sleep schedule. This will free up a little extra time for me before I go to bed, as well, to perhaps read, practice yoga, blog or do something in a quiet space.
Tonight one child is at a Girl Scout meeting and the other is playing xbox with his friends. So I’m sitting outside allowing myself to feel how I feel because tomorrow is a new day.
At times I miss the person I was. The person that exsited before heartbreak and broken relationships. So I’m consciously working to her back! 😊