Recently my attention has been drawn to an attribute in my daughter that she received honestly from her mother. My heart aches for her. We all want our kids to get the good parts of us. However, in reality they just get you (and the other parent of course).
In my “I Lost A Person I Hadn’t Found” series there are mentions of my self esteem, self love, and assertiveness being rather low up until the last few years of my life. I don’t want my daughter to live half her life trying to figure out where she fits. It’s a miserable life.
While on a trip this weekend I made notice of how my daughter longed to be around one of the older girls. Apparently, she (the other girl) had been in the mood of not wanting to be bothered by my daughter for most of the day. Per the co-troop leader. Thankfully the leader took notice and spoke to the situation. However, it did not completely end. When I arrived the same shady activity was taking place. I redirected my daughter several times in order to remove her from the situation. That night before we went to sleep I talked to my 6 year old daughter at length about understanding that she did not need people to like her or play with her, that she did not need to be around people who did not treat her nicely and that she needed to love herself. I told her I loved her and that she was an awesome kid. More than likely this went in one ear and out the other. I didn’t want to make too much of it because she is 6 but I want her to understand, I want to save her from what I’ve struggled with all my life.
On Monday the new summer camp week started. My daughter has been going to this camp for over 5 weeks now. However this the 1st week the same girl from our troop has been there too. This child has a lot of allergies so she brings a packed lunch just about everywhere we go, camp is no different. This morning my daughter comes and sheepishly asks to take her lunch. She asked sheepishly because she knows I would say no. She’s aware that I’m aware of why she asked. I explained (through clinched teeth…I will not lie) that she had been in the program for 5 weeks and had never asked to take lunch and I’m sure the only reason she was asking now was because the other child brought her’s. She understood and headed back to her room. Recently, I also noticed if we are out and about and she sees another child doing something or hears another child say something she will mimic it. I get upset and sad all at the same time.
I have looked up information online concerning building a child’s confidence. Click here to read the article.
1. Heal Your Past In Order to Build Self Confidence in Your Child
I was always a quiet child who went with the flow of things. Basically the article I read said to mimic the things your parents did to raise your self confidence. I personally can’t remember…not because I believe my mother didn’t do things just because I simply don’t remember. At any rate I know my past has not be riddled with self love, esteem and worth. Therefore, I will continue on the path I’ve been taking to heal my heart and soul in order to hopefully help her see a strong self confident role model.
2. Polish Your Mirror
Based on the article your feelings can transfer to your child. My daughter was very young when I went through my depression (let’s just call it what it was). I did not get real help (I went to a counselor once, felt he was a quack and never went back). As I have said before I wonder how my kids felt. I did not neglect them. I simply went with the flow. I can only imagine the nights they heard me crying and worried about me. I can’t imagine how they felt actually seeing me cry but hearing me say I was fine. With all that being said I will purposely and mindfully watch my emotions around my children. My issues aren’t there’s.
3. Be A Positive Mirror
Ahhhhhhh…I like to think that for the most part I am a positive mirror. I tell her how pretty, smart, and awesome she is. But sometimes in the heat of things like the 3rd spilled glass of milk, 7th broken tablet, or 97th redundant question I can get aggravated. I never verbally abuse but I may say please go away or omg you have to pay attention. She does need to pay attention however there is a better avenue to portray that to her. I will definitely have to work on this. I will can admit my faults and I can also work on them. No one is perfect and everyone has bad days. But for me I want (and believe we do) to have more good days than bad.
4. Wall of Fame
My daughter has tried so many things in her short life. As I have said many times over, she is a free spirit. She will try anything once. I am going to make a wall of fame for her. It will include her gymnastics medals, dance pictures, karate pictures and pictures she painted or drawn. And also anything else I have stored physically but forgotten mentally. I want her to know I am proud of all of her accomplishments. No matter how big or small.
5. Encourage Children to Express Their Feelings
I allow my children to express their feelings as long as they are being respectful. However, we as adults, aren’t always respectful of their feelings. So even if I don’t agree with what she says I will empathize with her. Perhaps let a day or two pass after empathizing and talk more in depth about it later when we both may have had time to think. I know that may sound a little intense for a 6 year old but nothing beats a failure but a try, right?
From this day on I will make it a daily goal to tell her and my son one good thing about them everyday!
I personally am that mother who doesn’t think she is doing much of anything right. LOL. I know it’s not true but it is how I think (perhaps that has something to do with my self confidence hahahahahaha…just a little humor to lighten up the ending).
I hope you enjoyed this post. But now I have questions…dun dun dun!
What do you do to build your child’s self confidence? Have you noticed any of the things I explained above about your child? Does it bother you? Do you think it’s “normal” child growing up behavior? (best way I could ask that question lol)