Life Talk · Mommy Talk

Life Lessons

Initially, I was unsure of how to write this post.The tone of this post is very important to me, as I don’t want to sound as if I am happy about my child’s misfortune. However, I didn’t want to sugar coat the situation either. Finally I decided to write it honestly with a disclaimer. If this post can help another parent struggling with this issue then no matter what the tone it did it’s job!

DISCLAIMER: In no way am I excited, happy or otherwise on top of the world! 🙂 (well not about this but I am however high off life…hahahahahaha)

If you live in America, can see and hear you are aware of the dreaded SOL testing that takes place every year. These tests are designed by the government to decide if our kids are learning (malarkey but whatevs).

A couple of weeks ago the time came for our school district. Throughout the preparation time I inquired several times with my son about his studying and sleeping. Each time he assured me that he was taking care of both. (He is in 7th grade and is 13. At the beginning of 7th grade he voiced his feelings on me being too over protective.) After several years of attempting to push him into greatness…lol…I decided to allow him to try to handle his school life. Please understand that I was in constant contact with his teachers and guidance counselor via email. This way I was able to mention and inquire without seemingly being too involved in his life.

On Tuesday we had our family meeting (normally done on Monday but I was tired and therefore pushed it back a day) when it was his turn to talk he advise that he needed me to work “my magic” at school. (A little background…I have always been involved in my children’s school life, home life, friend life…all lives…hahahahaha. If something didn’t seem right I would pop up at school, make a phone call or send an email…shoot one time I did all 3 in one day..lol (crazy much lol). However, I have always made my children deal with the consequences of their actions, if warranted.) He wanted me to call his teacher so she would allow him to go to an arcade field trip. Of course my question was why can’t you go. This is when I found out he had fallen asleep during his math SOL. *gasp* Attempting to keep the conversation neutral (to keep him talking) I asked a few more questions in a non lecturing tone. He also has to attend summer school because he did not pass either SOL. *Sigh*

I advised him that I would not work “my magic” because these are the consequences of his actions. After which I asked him what was his plan to pass his retake next week? He actually provided me with a plan of action that will work if he does what he says. Surprising to me he also admitted that he really didn’t care about the SOLs and assumed they would be easy. He also chose not to read full passages because they were too long (how’d that work out for ya…sigh). He talked and I listened for a while. Just honest open conversation which I actually like.

I know this all seems bad but there’s a silver lining. He now understands that he must study and get rest to be successful academically.  He learned a very valuable life lesson this year! While I am not happy about the tests I am happy to know that he understands what he did wrong. He understands that he has to change in order for things to change.

I let him know that he is as smart as he wants to be. I let him know that he could be anything he wanted to be a college grad or a tradesmen. Either way I would proud of him. Honestly, throughout his life I have pushed college. If memory serves me right this is the very 1st time I gave him the option (on this situation) to do what makes him happy. In our conversation I let him know that there are several schools from mechanic, to chef to computer tech that would not take 4 years to complete if he was interested.

Moral of my story…we cannot make our kids into what we want them to be. (Well you can, if it works for you then I bow to you. My track record has not been good lol. And that’s ok.) It’s also not your fault, if you have done your best, and they don’t walk your path. In the end life may surprise you and send a serious wake up call just through it’s lessons! 🙂

It is my sincere hope that everyone has a wonderful Friday Eve! 🙂

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6 thoughts on “Life Lessons

  1. I think you did exactly the right thing at exactly the right time in his life. he is mature enough to understand that Mom can not always fix everything for him, that he has to take responsibility and be accountable for his own actions (or lack of action, ie falling asleep). I see too many young adults that have never learned that lesson and find themselves in extreme difficulty. Their parents have reached the point where they are too disgusted, too tired, too depressed to be able to help (bail out their kids from their mistakes). Kudos to your parenting skills!

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  2. This post made me sad. Teenager’s circadian rhythms began to change with their hormones, becoming night owls in the process. Despite this knowledge schools still expect them to be up at 7 or earlier if like me ya had to catch the bus. I fell asleep ALL the time. Secondly, the teacher should be the one to decide if a pupil is retaining enough to move forward. Not a test that has been proven time and time again incapable of testing knowledge base or intellect. I would have been at that school demanding my child not be held back for this reason alone. On the other hand, I do get what you are saying. He has another decade of academia and these are the expectations, unnatural hours and absurd testing. So that is what makes me sad, he shouldn’t have to face this. Not at so young an age. Although really, no one should.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment!

      He isn’t being held back. He will advance to the 8th grade. He just wasn’t allowed to go to the arcade. If I had known he had tried his best perhaps I would have spoken up in his defense. However I know for a fact he did not study or go to bed on time. By his own admission he did not fully read the paragraphs. In life things may not be fair or done as we see fit but he has to learn now that there are consequences to his actions.

      I totally agree with the SOL not being an accurate way to measure if a child is retaining information and learning. My son will more than likely end the year with honor roll. But for me this is something he has to do (unless I opt out which I need to read up on) and he must try his best before I can defend him at school.

      That was a mouth full! Lol! I hope you have a great rest of your day!

      Liked by 1 person

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